Translational Love, Relationships & Neuro-Diversity Saturday

Angel from Montgomery

11/27/2025

Mugnify Reacts to

Bonnie Raitt & John Prine
Angel from Montgomery

Val's Take: One of the signature lines In John Prine's "Angel from Montgomery" Is

"How the hell can a person go to work in the morning

Then come home in the evening and have nothing to say?"

Well, Paul Micallef from Autism from the Inside is going to address the issue directly. Now there might be a lot of reasons for someone not speaking --- fatigue and low brain energy are not the only ones.

BUT many low level issues get BLOWN UP because we determine that someone's relatively innocuous "needs" are a personal affront to us.

On the hand, others may determine that our relatively innocuous needs are not "reasonable."

We have so many "COVER UPS" in our society at least in part because we don't understand the LIMITS OF ENERGY AND EMOTIONS.

Further, we're just beginning to understand the distinction between INTELLIGENCE and EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING. Those NEW UNDERSTANDINGS MATTER and have many ramifications for individuals and the society.

Autism from the Inside
Paul Micallef

3 Tips for Neurodivergent Marriages.

Systemic inflammation Squared --- Addressing relationship issues as public health issueS

9/12/2025

Val's Take/Conjecture

There are some things researchers tend to get wrong in the analysis of couples with psychiatric disorders:
- While there may be some greater understanding, SENSORY PROCESSING as it relates to intelligence and talent is playing a big role.
- Saying people in a relationship "SHARE" psychiatric issues can be true and misleading.

Neuro-Diverse people are generally more different from one another than Neuro-Typical people.
There are significant sex differences across Neuro-Developmental and Psychiatric Disorders.

Microglia over-activation and Mitochondrial Dysfunction are big issues in Neuro-Developmental and Psychiatric Disorders, and

Microglia over-activation and Mitochondrial Dysfunction are big issues in many other disorders and diseases such as:
- Auto-Immune Diseases
- Neurological Disorders
- Cancer
- Neuro-Degenerative Disorders
- etc.

The "Special Abilities" and often "Mobility" of Neuro-Diverse people obscure serious physical and mental challenges that are often coming in as "fatigue" and "executive functioning challenges."

Rene Magritte's The Lovers (1928)

Spouses tend to share psychiatric disorders, massive study finds (Aug. 2025)

Analysis of almost 15 million people shows the trend increases with each decade, across cultures and generations.

"TheY Can't Handle the Complexity of the Situation" --- EstHer PerEl

6/22/2025

Val's Take/Conjecture

Neuro-Diversity is often about:
- Big Strengths
- Big Challenges
- Significant Developmental Inflammation
- Neuro-Immune-Endocrine-Metabolism Dysregulations
- Sensory Processing Differences
- Pre-Mature Aging

That's a lot for people to deal with individually much less in a relationship.

Perel talks about "The System" that individuals and couples are in --- there are not just individual issues but systemic issues.

"Neuro-Diversity" is very much a Developmental Health Issue with Ramifications across the LIFESPAN.

I don't think individuals or couples can in 2025 easily deal with the complexities of neuro-diversity.
- Even just a good map would help.

We've been selecting for Neuro-Diversity

When We're Talkin' Neuro-Diversity --- We're Talkin' Neuro-Diversity

Rose Claverie with the Harvest Series interviews Esther Perel

Benjamin Clementine
I Won't Complain

Clementine has been open about his own mental health problems. This is a brilliant music video that captures the desperation that can sometimes come from being on that Neuro-Developmental / Psychiatric Continuum as well as a member of humanity.

Here, I'm referencing the Box Full of Eyes -- I'm taking that to mean many diverse perspectives.

Many Neuro-Diverse people don't have any problem being empathetic, but may be overwhelmed by the amount and intensity of sensory information.

Neuro-Diversity and Sky-High Divorce Rates

6/8/2025

Val's Take/Conjecture

In 2025, Neuro-Diversity is a lot for a Marriage to contend with.
Although it's probably not as bad as it was 40 years ago.

Further, I'm not necessarily buying that all of this is Neuro-Typical Female Spouse vs. Neuro-Diverse Male Husband.
- On the other hand, Males often do have more significant effects from Maternal Immune Activation.

Politically, we are familiar with high cognitive ability and behavioral and emotional dysregulation --- this isn't limited to one party.

Although very bright in some cases, NEURO-DIVERSE PEOPLE as the result of Maternal Immune Activation, typically have:
- Brain Energy issues that they are trying to manage not just in the marriage but in the rest of their life as well.
  - They may find speech pressured.
  - They may find it difficult to talk.

Yul Brynner

It's a puzzlement --- A LIfe with Executive Functioning Deficits

They likely have significant executive functioning issues that they have been trying to MASK ---- which may not seem to make logical sense since they are so smart.

One of the big consequences of Maternal Immune Activation is ANXIETY.

Further, there is generally significant dysregulation of the Immune System, Endocrine System and the MIcrobiome as well as Mitochondria Dysfunction.

Are we having fun yet?

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: Last in, first out - delayed brain maturation with an accelerated decline? (2020)

"Thus, ADHD may not only be associated with delayed neurodevelopment, but also with a premature age-related deterioration, at least in some measures of electrophysiological functioning."

My own opinion is that most neuro-diverse couples in the future would be better served by a Neuro-Immunologist than a couples' therapist.

In the meantime, more AWARENESS, EDUCATION and ACCOMMODATION regarding those on the Neuro-Developmental and Psychiatric Continuum could greatly help Marriages, Families and the Society as a whole.

Jackie Chan

By Eleanor Vincent
A Hard Look At Love
Autism, Love, Neurodiverse love, relationships, THAT'S THE WAY LIFE LIVES

To me, the big issue is not fitting into an anachronistic diagnostic category of ADHD or Autism or something else, it's recognizing the profound idiosyncratic impacts of IN UTERO inflammation and how that impacts the lifespan.
Neurodiverse people have some amazing gifts --- but the trade-offs can be traumatic.

Further, a more accurate MEDICAL MODEL could calm things down quite a bit.

Right now there is a lot of unpredictable chronic stress and often chronic health problems associated with being a neuro-diverse person ---

That's changing, but there is a lot of room for improvement.
The more predictable and manageable neuro-diversity is over the lifespan --- the better for everyone.

Rene Magritte, The Lovers (1928)

How to ADHD

ADHD & Autism Relationship Accommodations

Talkin' 'bout Talkin' in neuro-diverse Relationships

5/25/2025

Val's Take/Conjecture

Pressured Speech has been seen as a sign of psychiatric disorders.
- Much time, effort and money has gone into technological tools to recognize "pressured speech."

"Pressured Speech" and other speech and communication difficulties appear to also be manifestations of underlying Mitochondria Dysfunction.

So when you think or someone suggests, "Hey, you guys just need to talk this out."

That turns out to be a lot more complicated than anyone would think --- including the people involved.

Further, when it comes to our partners and spouses --- we're often "This is all about me" or "This is all about my spouse --- No human has ever had a communication issue before."

When we start having to deal with this issue in different contexts whether it's kids, co-workers or people in the community----

One recognizes this is a genuine issue and forcing communication when people don't have the ENERGY for it-- generally does not go well.
This is going to require some kind of 3rd Alternative based on the needs of the people involved.

A systematic review on the role of mitochondrial dysfunction/disorders in neurodevelopmental disorders and psychiatric/behavioral disorders (2024)

Speech Differences

The Voice

Harry Styles
Late Night Talking

Mitochondria and Brain Function: Why Energy Metabolism Impacts Focus, Mood, and Speech

Association Between Gray Matter Volume Variations and Energy Utilization in the Brain: Implications for Developmental Stuttering (2021)

"[P]otential connection between energy metabolism and stuttering.

"Brain regions with high energy utilization may be particularly vulnerable to anatomical changes associated with stuttering."

Categories & Neuro-Diverse Relationships

4/19/2025

Val's Take/Conjecture

Myers-Briggs Personality Categories are even less accurate than the DSM, but they do give us a Vocabulary to talk about personality traits --- even if it is not wholly accurate.
It's really the same kind of thing as "The 4 Humors" or "The 5 Elements of Chinese Medicine" --- create a limited number of categories and sort an over-whelming amount of information into these more manageable categories.

I think the Bottom Line is that Neuro-Diverse people are having to work harder at relationships because they and often their partners are more idiosyncratic AND we often have less energy to manage that complexity.

Also, we're often not just trying to manage this complexity in our personal lives --- but also our work lives.

These Personality Categories at least in part are meant to get us out of "Unpredictable Chronic Stress"

Maybe it's still "Chronic Stress" --- but it's "Predictable."
The problem arises if the Categories aren't that accurate ---- their predictive powers are often not accurate either.

Ella Henderson
Hard Work

This is one of my very favorite songs and to me Ella Henderson NAILED IT --- of course, her partner may feel like Ella is HARD WORK, too --- 99% of the time.

Frank James
Why INFJ Ruins Relationships

James makes the point that people can throw you a curve ball and not fit into your pattern or category.

Women & Neuro-Diverse Relationships

2/17/2025

Val's Take/Conjecture

Neurodivergent Therapist Louise Taylor: "EMPATHY IS ABOUT THE EFFORT"
Guess What: IDIOSYNCRATIC PEOPLE TAKE MORE EFFORT

KEY CONCEPTS are:
- Bio-Energetics, and
- Executive Functioning

BUT we need to focus on STRENGTHS first for everyone if we're to have any hope of addressing idiosyncratic bio-energetics and executive functioning.

BUT just focusing on STRENGTHS is not necessarily (probably won't) get us out of the woods.

Ultimately we need a map of our own BIO-ENERGETICS and EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING so we can set those REALISTIC BOUNDARIES and other people will feel comfortable setting REALISTIC BOUNDARIES as well.

Once everyone has REALISTIC BOUNDARIES (and most of us don't) ---- working together to create 3rd Alternatives becomes a lot easier and NO DEAL is always an option for anyone.

Julia Michaels
Issues

Mark Hutton, M.A.
Listen At Your Own Risk: Most Brutal Message to Neurotypical Wives [& Husbands]

We are on the cusp of some much better treatments for Neuro-Developmental and Psychiatric Disorders.

Neuro-Developmental and Psychiatric Disorders are being re-conceptualized in Immuno-Psychiatry.

BUT --- Counselor Mark Hutton's advice is still relevant.

Dr. Louise Taylor
The Neuro-Divergent Therapist

Neurodiversity and Empathy

Neurodiversity doesn't always look like what we think --- especially in women.

Further, these categories are not good categories --- we need those biomarkers and we're getting them.

Miley Cyrus
Flowers

Neurodivergent Rebel --- Lyric Rivera
Why We NEED to Teach Boundaries & Consent to Autistic People

Em Beihold
Numb Little Bug

Mark Hutton, M.A.
The Typical Backstory of Cassandra Syndrome

Val's Take: I think it is telling that therapist Mark Hutton mentions "AUTO-IMMUNE DISORDERS" in the "NT Spouse" as a result of not getting her emotional needs met.

I think those "AUTO-IMMUNE DISORDERS" are another clue that "NT Spouse" may not be as neurotypical as we think.

Shared molecular mechanisms and transdiagnostic potential of neurodevelopmental disorders and immune disorders (2024)

Risk of Autoimmune Disease in Research-Identified Cases of Autism Spectrum Disorder: A Longitudinal, Population-Based Birth Cohort Study (2024)

Conclusion: This study provides evidence from a longitudinal, population-based birth cohort for co-occurrence of ASD and autoimmune disorders.

Thus, children with ASD should be monitored for symptoms of autoimmune disease and appropriate workup initiated.

Anxiety, sex differences, Neuro-Diversity & Relationships

1/12/2025

Val's Take/Conjecture

In the world of Neuro-Diversity and Maternal Immune Activation (MIA), ANXIETY is one of the defining features and is present early on.
Further, MIA can result in intellectual disability. but it can also result in above average intellectual ability.

That ANXIETY can also look like PANIC ATTACKS and PTSD.

Additionally, on top of that ANXIETY is often ANGER and AGGRESSION ----

By and large, more imploding than exploding.

Further, Maternal Immune Activation is bringing Emotional Dysregulation that may be getting worse with additional Inflammation.

AWARENESS & KNOWLEDGE can definitely help. I think that is the driving force behind so many Neuro-Diverse Youtubers.

And a common experience of what a HELL it can be not to have that awareness and knowledge.

Finally, we need better treatments for the INFLAMMATION and EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION that often comes with Neuro-Diversity and Maternal Immune Activation.

Paul Micallef --- Autism from the Inside.
Autism & Attachment Theory

In this video, Paul proposes that some to many neurodiverse relationships involve NEURO-DIVERSE MEN and "ANXIOUS NEURO-TYPICAL WOMEN."

I would say a lot of those "ANXIOUS NEURO-TYPICAL WOMEN" (not necessarily all) are NEURO-DIVERSE --- it just doesn't look like male neuro-diversity.

Maternal immune activation and its multifaceted effects on learning and memory in rodent offspring: A systematic review (2024)

Highlights
•
Maternal immune activation (MIA) can impair offspring learning and memory.
•
MIA negatively impacts cognition in rodents.
•
Males are more susceptible to cognitive deficits.
•
Some studies show improved cognition after MIA.
•
Sex differences in immune responses may explain cognitive outcomes.

Anxiety As a Result of Maternal Immune Activation

11/4/2024

Val's Take/Conjecture

Maternal immune activation generates anxiety in offspring (2024)

Communication as a result of extreme anxiety on the part of one or more family members --- is often difficult.

How we feel about this verbal interaction is often quite dependent on who is on Defense.

If we are on Defense --- we may very much feel that:

Things are being blown out of proportion.

On the other hand, the person who identified the concern may feel that things are not being taken seriously enough.

If there are generalized anxiety issues for one or both parties -- getting some treatment for that is probably a good idea.

Just because someone has ANXIETY, doesn't mean their concern isn't valid

Breaking things down and getting realistic about time frames and viable solutions can help along with the anxiety treatment.

Jalen Hurts
Win or Learn

Many Neuro-Diverse people have ANXIETY issues from the beginning and those ANXIETY issues can get worse with additional Health Issues.

DUELing anxieties --- "understanding brings calm"

10/8/2024

Val's Take/Conjecture

There's a lot of "Do As I Say, Not As I Do" in this.
So in relationships with spouses/partners and kids --
- Everyone may be fairly "HIGH ANXIETY" and fairly "INTENSE"
  - But the STYLE, can be very different from SHUTDOWNS to MELTDOWNS and various COMBINATIONS.
Often we're asking someone to CHANGE something that is not going to be very easy for that person to change or they are asking us to CHANGE something that is not going to be very easy to change.
- Whatever the issue is, we may have to move from TRY HARDER to TRY SMARTER.
- Further, we probably need to just anticipate that we're needing to work on "THIRD ALTERNATIVES" that reasonably take into account everyone's needs.
So Lightheartedness and Humor can help a lot. Having been on both sides of this, we need to be careful that someone isn't laughing on the outside and crying on the inside.
AND it's surprising how often INTENSE folks might welcome a break and a chance to RELAX.

Finally, we do generally appreciate "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE" with it comes to kids.
We're a little more "TRANSACTIONAL" when it comes to our romantic partners and spouses.
Neuro-Diverse folks are probably going to face SERIOUS HEALTH ISSUES and BEHAVIOR CHANGES --- sooner than most just because we are often carrying a heavier INFLAMMATORY LOAD (even though we often didn't know it at the time).
- We're on the cusp of being able to screen for issues we haven't been able to screen for in the past.

Understood

ADHD, Dyslexia Advice for Kids: Try Smarter, Not Try Harder

Understood.org

Guidance for 2e Kids & Adults

Julie Skolnick --- Understandingbringscalm.com

Cont.

These very serious health issues are hard for the person to deal with much less their spouse.
I was very lucky that in 2006 when I had a psychotic break --- Rick knew what to do.
When Rick was having his annoying cough --- I didn't know what to do and it would be years until he was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer and numerous brain lesions.
We were quite a pair and took considerable comfort in the bickering older couples on "Midsomer Murders."
Further, it is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and HUMOR that help get us through some TOUGH TIMES.
In the words of our daughter, "We all need a little MERCY & GRACE."

<<Previous

blackgirllostkeys.com

Angel from Montgomery

Systemic inflammation Squared --- Addressing relationship issues as public health issueS

"TheY Can't Handle the Complexity of the Situation" --- EstHer PerEl

Neuro-Diversity and Sky-High Divorce Rates

Talkin' 'bout Talkin' in neuro-diverse Relationships

Categories & Neuro-Diverse Relationships

Women & Neuro-Diverse Relationships

Anxiety, sex differences, Neuro-Diversity & Relationships

Anxiety As a Result of Maternal Immune Activation

DUELing anxieties --- "understanding brings calm"

Translational Love, Relationships & Neuro-Diversity Saturday

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